Protons, Neutrons & Electrons, Oh My!

Hey, Happy Valentine’s Day, Dear Wifey!

Every February, I am reminded of how some of us can happily live our lives for decades—totally unaware that things may not be as they seem! That is, until Life sneaks up behind us, taps us on the shoulder, and when we turn around—smacks us square in the face with a reality two-by-four!

I speak from personal experience. You see, my two-by-four-moment happened to coincide with Valentine’s Day, a now infamous day when [cough, cough] the ‘love of my life’—code named Casper The Unholy Ghost—‘ghosted’ our long term marriage while I sat there snoozing, asleep at the switch.

With the unexpected announcement that he was leaving me, my dear departing poltergeist commenced with the total annihilation of everything that had, to that point, comprised our marriage and life we’d built together. With one fell swoop, he nuked it all, in nanoseconds!

It happened just like that! [insert snap of the fingers sound effect] leaving me stunned and bewildered. And quite frankly—looking much like a mouth-breathing idiot. Well, it’s true.

Malfunctioning Early Warning System

The weird thing about it all was that there’d been absolutely no perceptible precursors, no warning signs, or prodromal period. Nothing! Those facts—combined with how he included the masterful Machiavellian element of surprise—made it all so very surreal. From my perspective, it was as if I’d somehow been dropped down onto a Hollywood movie set and I was a third party observing something happening to two actors on a sound stage—not something happening in to me in real life. But it was.

Hit And Run

Thirty minutes after his announcement, my [thought-to-be] loving husband was gone for good—leaving only with the clothes on his back, his laptop, miscellaneous technology items, and the few things he was able to cram into a duffel bag. He ran around like a crazy person as he packed, crying as he pulled things out of dresser drawers, the closet shelves, and out from under the bed.

Once he finished with his abbreviated packing, he hugged me and slowly walked down the sidewalk towards his awaiting running car. Once he placed his hand on the handle of the car door, he turned, looked back at me, and smiled a forced smile. He then nodded like they do in the movies—and pulled out of the driveway.

An Almost Out Of Body Experience

I was in absolute shock—so much so that I couldn’t move or speak. All I could do was watch in stunned silence as his car made it’s way out of the subdivision. Then, once he left, he went No Contact immediately, and has stuck by it with very few exceptions—to this very day.

I would soon learn that he left with a lot more than his clothes. I had yet to discover that for years, as ‘we’ were paying the household bills [and the annual income taxes on his 1099 employment] from the bank account where my paycheck was deposited, he had surreptitiously been converting ‘his’ paychecks to cash in order to amass a suitcase load of gold coins. Apparently, he wanted to be as ‘liquid’ as possible when he left the country with his new Schmoopie.

Also unbeknownst to me was the fact that sometime prior to the day he walked out, he’d appropriated the funds from the bank account where ‘we’ supposedly had been squirreling away money for our grandson’s college tuition. God only knows what other marital assets he’d been siphoning off and absconded with. At this point, quite frankly, as the song says, “Thank God and Greyhound he’s gone.” 

Fade To Black

With his car now gone from sight, I was still unable to speak. l looked around in eery silence, trying to make sense of what had just happened. In under an hour, there had been a total implosion of everything I’d known as my life [aka ‘our life’] for nearly three decades.

Yet, inanimate objects remained untouched and unaffected … The house was still standing … The furniture was all still in the same place … Even the television in his man cave was still blaring ESPN as it had been!

There was no question about it. Something other-worldly had just occurred.

I had yet to comprehend what had caused that sudden, very powerful, and strangely evil vacuum-like sensation that resulted in such an uncomfortable chill in all the rooms.

All I knew was that it felt as if all the energy and life force had been instantly sucked out of what had formerly been a home. Yet the home itself and the contents within it was still standing. 

It was then that I realized what had just occurred … Mr. Machiavelli had been there and I had been a first-party witness witness to the detonation of a neutron bomb.


Neutron Dance by The Pointer Sisters

There’s no money falling from the sky—‘Cause my man took my heart and robbed me blind
Someone stole my brand new Chevrolet—And the rent is due, I got no place to stay
Whoo oooh—Whoo oooh

And it’s hard to say—Just how some things never change
And it’s hard to find—Any strength to draw the line
Oh I’m just burning doin’ the neutron dance—I’m just burning doin’ the neutron dance

Industry don’t pay a price that’s fair—All the common people breathing filthy air (Lord have mercy)
Roof caved in on all the simple dreams—And to get ahead your heart starts pumping schemes
And it’s hard to say—Just how some things never change (hey, hey)
And it’s hard to find—Any strength to draw the line (whoa oh)
I’m just burning doin’ the neutron dance—I’m just burning doin’ the neutron dance
Whoo oooh—Whoo oooh

I’m on fire, yeah—I’m on fire, yeah
And it’s hard to say—Just how some things never change
And it’s hard to find—Any strength to draw the line
I’m just burning doin’ the neutron dance—I’m just burning doin’ the neutron dance
I know there’s a pot of gold for me—All I got to do is just believe

I’m so happy doin’ the neutron dance—And I’m just burning doin’ the neutron dance
I’m so happy doin’ the neutron dance—I’m just burning doin’ the neutron dance
Whoo oooh—Whoo oooh
I’m so happy doin’ the neutron dance—And I’m just burning doin’ the neutron dance (yeah, yeah)
Whoo oooh—Whoo oooh

I’m so happy (it’s in my hands)—I’m just burning (it’s in my feet)
I’m so happy (it’s all over me)—I’m just burning (I can’t help myself)
I’m so happy (yeah, yeah)—I’m just burning (oh, yeah)
I’m so happy (oh, yeah)—I’m just burning (I’m just burning)
I’m so happy (oh, yeah)—I’m just burning (it’s in my feet)
I’m so happy (it’s in my hands)—I’m just burning (it’s in my feet)
I’m so happy (it’s all over me)

Songwriters: Allee Willis / Danny Sembello
Neutron Dance lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

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