The Devil Is In The Potato Salad: How Toxic People Are Like Rotting Potatoes


And Insult To Potatoes Everywhere

It’s a well known fact in the Low Carb & Keto communities that potatoes are anathema. It is often said that the deleterious effects of consuming potatoes can be far worse for those with insulin sensitivity than putting one’s face down in a bowl of granulated sugar. Supposedly, that’s because the potato’s effects are much longer lasting than sugar, wreaking more metabolic havoc over a longer sustained period of time.

I ran across an article about this recently. As I was reading it, my humor imp started pointing out the similarities between the dangers of consuming contaminated potatoes and the dangers of living with/being around toxic people on a consistent basis. Very intriguing. Take the following for example:

  • Both potatoes and toxic people are very comfortable existing in dark subterranean environments. In other words, both of them are comfortable down in the muck and mire—wallowing in the slimy dirt along with creepy crawly things like bugs, worms, and maggots.
  • The next similarity I noticed is that you can’t use either of them until after you’ve picked them up, dusted them off, and cleaned them up.
  • In addition, both potatoes and toxic people have a deceptively dangerous high glycemic index. Both deliver an immediate rush of carbohydrate. In the case of toxic people, they deliver a fake syrupy sweetness that feigns love and devotion—followed by a precipitous nasty crash.
  • Either of them—if consumed in excess–can tear down your defense mechanisms and natural immunity.
  • And finally, partaking of either of over too long a basis can leave a person exhausted—in adrenal collapse. Often medication may be needed to get one’s  metabolism or emotions back into balance.

A Lurking Danger

A surprising fact I learned from this article was that more human fatalities have occurred from consuming contaminated potatoes than any other food or food group. With that said, I’ll let you draw your own corollary here about toxic people and their role in emotional fatalities.

Potatoes contain a toxin substance called glycoalkaloids. This chemical is toxic to humans but works well for them as it protects them from their own nasty environment down there in the dirt. This deadly outer coating—the outside skin of the potato, or the fake outward persona of a toxic individual—when ingested by those of us not accustomed to living underground, can create nasty holes in the gut.

Is it any reason why overdose and long term exposure to that crazy boss, those backstabbing coworkers, or any of a number of other wing-nuts you may come in contact on a daily basis can leave you feeling like you have a gaping hole in the gut?

Studies have shown that potatoes also contain another irritating substance called lechtins. Lechtins have the ability to irritate and compromise the entire immune system, resulting in a state of hypersentivity. I found that to be an interesting corollary to living with a toxic individual—always walking on egg shells and coping by being in a persistent state of hypersensitivity and hypervigilance. These hypervigilant states often continue long after the exposure to the toxic offender has ended. I could go on, but suffice it to say that there is an undeniable connection between bad potatoes and bad people in my humorous monkey mind.

My Advice To Potato Lovers Everywhere 

The takeaway here is that if you too have experienced the dreaded Potato Bug, you’re in good company. If you’re one of the luck ones and you haven’t experienced it, arm yourself with knowledge. When you first start smelling that stinky potatoes smell in your pantry or you notice those tentacles starting to grow, know this:

  • It’s nothing personal, sweetie. All nasty nightshades are uncomfortable existing above the ground for very long–whether they be stem tubers or toxic people.
  • Be aware that once toxic potatoes or toxic people start sprouting ‘eyes’ they become even more toxic. They may be getting long in the tooth and somehow sense that the gig’s up. When this happens, they desperately start looking for other night creatures like themselves—lest they shrivel up and die.
  • So, should you discover that your resident ‘Spud’ has found a similar suitable dirt dweller/night creature while wriggling around under the dirt, do yourself a favor—help him [or her] along. Offer to help them pack. Call the moving company for them. Hey, be a doll—go the extra mile and show your love and concern by calling and scheduling the Uber for the ride to the airport for them. And don’t feel the least bit bad about it, darlin’.
  • And finally, know this; any strange ‘reactions’ that you might have—such as blubbering, crying, and acting like a fool at first—are only artifacts of the rollercoaster highs and lows that your endocrine system has been exposed to by way of his/her toxic substances over such a long period of time.

Then Kick Back And Relax!

The good news is that after a sufficient period of No Contact, your stress levels will self-regulate back to normal. I assure you that—as a human born to live above the ground—once you’ve free of your toxic tuber for a while, you’ll find yourself without that gnawing pain in your gut. And best of all, you’ll be able to live free of that annoying crunching sound from walking on all those eggshells all that time!

So how would you like your potatoes? Boiled? Fried? Me—I prefer mashing them.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: